Niagara

I love Christmas.

We have established that, yes. You'll hear more to come. BUT this Christmas is even more thrilling and exciting and full of wondrous joy because it is our first as a MARRIED couple.  I look calm on the outside, but our decked tree 7 weeks prior to my beloved holiday, bedazzled mistletoe, and crimson and evergreen chalkboard art beg to differ.  I have, however, refrained from multiple opportunities to purchase "First Christmas as Mr. & Mrs."  "Marry and MARRIED" and "SANTA and MRS. Claus" matching T-shirts.  (Jonathan, you're welcome!)

Now, if you ask me and I answer honestly, whether being married feels different or not. I am undecided.

No. Our relationship is still a lot of laughter, enjoying each other's company, watching The Office reruns (if you can't appreciate Dwight Schrute, then we simply can't be friends), kitchen adventures, technical upgrades,  discussing the day's Zillow finds, long hours at work, laying on the couch with my feet in Jonathan's lap while he scrolls through toys for his new car like a kid turning the pages of the Toys-R-Us holiday catalog (aaah the good ol' days), and savoring any rare unscheduled moments we are blessed with.

Yes.  I recently had to fill out some typically mundane paperwork. All with my new last name. So, needless to say, this administrative mission was the most exhilarating I'd ever ventured on. Marital status: MARRIED.  Emergency contact: HUSBAND.  Oh! You need his name? It's the same as mine! Yes, you can address me as Mrs. For those of you who have watched The Office, I grasp at every opportunity to say "my husband" much like Angela confirms 38 times a day that she is dating "the Senator".  It's my favorite, just like smiling (Buddy the Elf).  If you ask my husband (there it is!) whether married life is different, he will tell you not really per the paragraph prior. However, there is this inexplicable peace to coming home to and calling this person, your best friend, the one you call first with the good, bad, boring, and exciting, the one who says "yes, we are getting up and going to church this morning don't hit that snooze button again," your spouse.  We had the best photographers. Have, rather. (We look forward to calling on them to capture many exciting events ahead.) They captured this picture of Jonathan's face once I'd all but run down the aisle and stood before our Pastor, seconds before my "mother and I," as my father so carefully stated, handed me over into his care.  It is one of my favorites.  

Calm, peace, happy. Like putting the last piece into a puzzle.  One.

With his proposal, he seems to have spurred a season of weddings.  We have 6 friends and family members engaged to be married and more to join the club sooner than later.  We both are emotional people, but not so outwardly.  There were a few times during our day where we both were near overcome with our new amazing reality, but we were not the "crying down the aisle" couple.  

Multiple people have expressed to me how they will boldly reroute their descent down the aisle in the event that their spouse-to-be doesn't transform into Niagara falls at the mere sight of them draped in white approaching the altar. Now I have nothing against the waterfall people; my brother was one of them, and I was more than thankful that I had taken the time to secure an intricately-folded piece of tissue into my bridesmaid bouquet because I, in turn, was a cascade of joyful tears throughout their entire day. My point is that, knowing my wonderful, strong, incredibly personable but introverted husband and myself, I expected no public tears, but I knew, between us in the privacy of our joined hearts, that all the emotion and love and faith I'd ever need was there.  

For my Team Niagara people, allow me to further explain.  I counsel people, speak boldly in public, and transform into my own flavor of Drill Sargeant in front of my students with unabashed confidence every day.  On that day however, though I had not even the slightest nerves about marrying my husband,  I was incessantly aware of the 130 sets of eyeballs directed only at me.  My internal dialogue looked something like this:

"DON'T YOU DARE TRIP.  Look up! Smile! I hope your lip doesn't do that weird thing in these pictures...Oh THANK GOODNESS you have Jonathan to look at or this would be way worse. Speak clearly! Project your voice! For the love of all that is good, don't drop that ring!"

Fortunately, Jonathan's serenity surpassed my fear of humiliation, and by the time our rings were on, I was completely relaxed.  (Even when the humidity all but glued our salt into their glasses for our salt covenant.)  We were MARRIED! Signed, sealed, delivered! No. More. Stress.

"WE DID IT!!" was what we both were saying at this point (and I didn't mess up my vows!).

We kissed, were announced as Mr. & Mrs. (HUSBAND AND WIFE!!) and we turned back to that group of eyeballs. What I had almost so quickly overlooked in the sea of peepers still warms my heart. My mom, far more experienced in managing life's "to stress" and "not worth it" concerns, combed the frizz out of my nerves on that day and all the day's prior.  My dad, who found a way to insert his famous chuckle when I needed it most. My brother, Nick, who took on an even-brighter-than-usual disposition of humor and celebration throughout the whole day.  My Uncle who feverishly scrubbed every window that might be in a photo backdrop to ensure their perfection.  My friends (one of whom was a reader who I so intentionally stared down with my psycho smile while she read so she was forced to share in my nerves) who celebrate my talents and forgive my flaws. My brothers-to-be who took it on themselves to be fully present, one even telling me, with noble dedication, that he would fervently protect his new sister along with my ceremony schedule. My tearful bridesmaids (there were our waterworks!) My long lost cousin. My new little cousins. My anxiety may have been present, but it was love and joy that overtook the room!

I tend to reflect on that daily.  The peace of marriage.  The immense privilege and blessing to come home to my best friend every day.  That there is so much more good than bad.  You see what you seek.  In the words of Newt Scamander to his magical-in-spirit friend, Jacob, worrying means you suffer twice. I am learning extra in marriage that despite the roar of my internal worry, love truly conquers all.

Love also conquers December....welcome, Christmas, glory, GLORY to the Newborn King who has overcome the world, and all its stressful moments, long before they ever encountered you or me.

John 16:33